How I work
Compassion Focused Therapy, in plain language
Compassion Focused Therapy was developed by Professor Paul Gilbert for people whose difficulties are held in place by shame and self-criticism.
It starts from an idea that most people find a relief to hear: a lot of what you struggle with is not your fault. Our brains arrived with old systems we did not design, shaped further by experiences we did not choose. Understanding that is not an excuse. It is what makes change possible, because you cannot work on something you are busy blaming yourself for.
The three systems
CFT describes three emotion systems that everyone has.
The threat system scans for danger and reacts fast. It brings anxiety, anger and the urge to escape or defend. It is doing its job, and it would rather be wrong a hundred times than miss a real threat once.
The drive system moves us towards things. Achievement, resources, status, progress. It brings excitement and motivation, and also the restless feeling that we should be doing more.
The soothing system is the one that lets us rest. It brings the calm that comes with feeling safe and connected to others, and it is what settles the other two.
Difficulty tends to arrive when the threat and drive systems are doing almost all the work and the soothing system has had very little practice. That can look like constant anxiety, exhausting perfectionism, or a critical voice that never lets up.
What CFT is not
It is not about thinking positively, and it is not about telling yourself nice things you do not believe.
It is not about letting yourself off, or lowering your standards. Many people worry that compassion will make them lazy. In practice the opposite tends to happen, because a great deal of energy is currently going into self-attack.
Compassion here means the willingness to turn towards difficulty along with the commitment to do something about it. That takes courage, not softness.
Who this suits
CFT particularly suits people who say some version of "I know it logically, but I still feel it is my fault". If you have tried approaches that work on your thoughts and found that the understanding never reached the feeling, CFT works with the felt sense rather than the argument.
What a session looks like
Sessions last 50 minutes and usually happen weekly, at the same time each week.
The first session is mostly about you telling me what brings you here, in whatever order it comes out. There is nothing to prepare. We will talk about what you are hoping for, and I will explain how I work so you can decide whether it feels right.
After that, sessions are a mix of talking things through and building practical skills. Some of that involves exercises you can try between sessions, though nothing is compulsory and nothing is graded.
How long the work takes varies. Some people come for six to eight sessions with something specific in mind. Others stay longer for work that goes deeper. We review it together as we go, and you are free to stop at any point.
In person and online
I offer both. Online suits people who travel, who have caring responsibilities, or who find it easier to talk from their own home. In person suits people who would rather be in the room. You can also mix the two, and plenty of people do.
Ready to talk? Get in touch or read about fees first.